


Love Letters

by hopingforaword



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-06
Updated: 2016-07-22
Packaged: 2018-06-06 17:43:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 6
Words: 9,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6763861
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hopingforaword/pseuds/hopingforaword
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you fall in love with someone you can never ever admit to being with?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Year Three, Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Granger and Potter were just friends. And even if they weren’t, I couldn’t have––couldn’t want a Mudblood.
> 
> There was no way in hell he had anything but hatred for me. He despised Muggleborns on principle, and me especially. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he would never like me, the more I knew these feelings had to be buried.

**Draco**

        I looked in the mirror. That little Mudblood had left a red mark on my face. It still burned a little. I picked up my wand and tried to make it disappear. It didn’t work. Damn it. Why could she hit so hard? It didn’t make sense. Her hands were small and soft and delicate. I would’ve thought Millicent could hurt me, or maybe Pansy, but Granger? She was small and weak and a Mudblood.

        “Draco!” Pansy called up the stairs. I sighed. She hadn’t stopped talking to me lately and it was getting annoying. Blaise said she must be after me, but Blaise always said that kind of thing. “Coming!”

        At dinner, Pansy sat across the table from me. She asked what happened to my face. “Oh I…got hit in the face at Quidditch practice.” I don’t know why I lied. I guess I was kind of ashamed of being so hard hit by Granger, but Crabbe and Goyle knew anyway, and Pansy might have hexed the little know it all into a caterpillar. So why wasn’t I telling them?

        “Oh you poor thing,” she simpered. Why was she being so weird? I couldn’t stand her new behavior. I heard a loud laugh from the Gryffindor table. I sat up a little straighter and peered over Pansy’s head. Granger wasn’t there, and neither was Potter or Weasley. Typical of them, but I was still confused.     

“Draco?” said Blaise.

        “What?” I snapped, wanting to seem lost in deep thought.

        “We’re going. You up for a game of Exploding Snap?” asked Blaise, while Crabbe and Goyle nodded and Pansy reached for my hand.

        “No. I’m awfully tired,” I said, faking a yawn and brushing Pansy off. We stood up and walked over to the stairs. I glanced out a window and did a double take. There was Granger, sitting in the oaf’s kitchen with Weasley and Potter, yet I saw her sitting in the pumpkin patch laughing with Potter. There couldn’t be two of her. Was it just me? Was this some weird magic I’d never heard of? Was I seeing double?

        I ran to catch up with the others, and when we got to the common room, I immediately ran down to the dormitories. I changed into my pajamas and got into bed thinking. The more I thought about it, the less likely it seemed that there were two of her. I stopped focusing on the circumstances and allowed my mind to wander. Its first thought was Granger. I tried to guide it down a path towards exams, and it wandered off to how she always answered questions. I pointed it towards travel plans, and it wondered what she did during the summer. Finally I gave up and let my thoughts about her bubble up to the surface of my mind. I was terrified. I had never has this inability to control my mind. No forces had ever been able to run it for me, but right now, Granger could. I had always hated her, but I realized now I was somewhat jealous of her intellect and skill. The girls in every house were always mocking her personality and her looks, saying she looked like a rabbit with those fluffy brown hair and big teeth. But I started to think her skin complimented her hair, and maybe she wasn’t all that ugly. Her hands. My mind kept coming back to her hands slapping my face, stroking my face, holding my hand…

        Blaise, Crabbe and Goyle came in suddenly, and I feigned sleep. I kept thinking about her. My mind flashed back to what I had seen out the window. Pumpkin Patch Granger had been clutching Potter’s hand, hiding her face in his shoulder. She had seemed to be crying, shaking slightly. Potter had reached around her and patted her on the back. If one of the Herm––Grangers was fake, it had to be this one. It was just a manifestation of jealousy. Granger and Potter were just friends. And even if they weren’t, I couldn’t have––couldn’t **_want_** a Mudblood. I was going to marry a pureblood girl of my parents’ choice, probably Pansy. My mum fawned on Pansy.  I turned over on my side and fell asleep.

**Hermione**

        As I wasn’t injured after all the time-traveling weirdness, Madame Pomfrey let me go to my room. I was fine. Well mostly fine. If I was fine, what was this feeling in my stomach? I was going to be sick.

        _When did this start?_ I thought. Right after I hit Malfoy _._ Why was I just feeling it now? I guess the large amount of action from going back in time to ending up back in front of the hospital wing had led me to suppress it. But I didn’t regret hitting him. It had felt nice to hit him. **_Good._**  I had released three years of pure hate onto his face. So why did I feel sick? It wasn’t guilt.

        I laid down on my comforter and thought about it.  When had I felt this before? I made a mental list: in third year, when Tom Melson had caught my eyes; in fourth year, when Roger Dunwick had kissed my left hand; the first time I had seen Harry, who was, at the time, a new boy who was famous and incredibly kind. I realized what was happening to me gradually. Or maybe I had always known. I just didn’t want to face it. I had it for Draco Malfoy.

        There was no way in hell he had anything but hatred for me. He despised Muggleborns on principle, and me especially. The more I thought about it, the more I realized that he would never like me, the more I knew these feelings had to be buried. If I told Harry and Ron, they would be befuddled by it and probably think I was out of my mind. Ginny would have a similar reaction and then ask some nonsense about Harry. Mum and Dad wouldn’t understand why he would never like me, and all my friends outside of Hogwarts didn’t really _get_ me anymore. I was alone on this one.

        All the other girls in the dorm were asleep, so I could do whatever I wanted. I changed into a t-shirt, one of the few Muggle clothing items I still had. I crawled under my covers and thought about literally everything in the universe but Draco Malfoy. Except it didn’t work. I could not figure this out. “The smartest witch of your generation.” Lupin had said that about me not three hours ago. It felt like forever. Then I realized I had added three hours to my day and it was really more like six hours ago. And yet I could not figure out how to fix this problem. So I started by examining all the parts.

        Harry liked some Ravenclaw girl or maybe Ginny or Lavender or that Chaser on the Quidditch team: Katie, I think, Katie Bell. So that ship had sailed a while ago. He was my best friend, and Ron was his and it would just be wrong for me to start dating one while hanging out with the other all the time. Besides I swore off drama in grade school and declared no one would ever talk about me behind my back. The latter I could not control as much, but if I didn’t want drama that meant no dating best friends.

        On the other hand, if I so much as hinted at liking Draco, Harry would question my sanity and the Weasleys would tear me limb from limb. He was a pureblood supremacist who believed anyone who wasn’t somehow related to him was a complete and total ass and destined to be his servant. The Malfoys hated anything from the Muggle world, especially Muggleborns. How could I like a boy from a family of people who have trodden on the less fortunate since the beginning of time?

        There was no way out. This wasn’t like with Harry, where I could get close and the feelings would dissipate. This wasn’t like posters hung up in my room of big time movie stars whom every woman in Britain loved. This was me falling into a pit of Draco Malfoy. No. This was me standing on the edge of a pit of Draco Malfoy, seeing a ladder and a rope, leaving them there, and diving into the pit headfirst.


	2. Year Three, Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So,” Draco said, “Now what?”  
> It was a good question, one to which I had no answer. There was no way we could actually go out. We were Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria, and every other doomed couple.

**Draco**  


I woke up the next morning feeling as though I hadn't slept. Granger had run through my dreams, marrying Potter in some, confessing love to me in others, but the most common one was a replay of her slapping me. Over and over and over. 

I sat up on my bed and rubbed my eyes. It was just before sunrise, and I thought about the best plan of action. I would write her a letter, pretending to be Pansy, saying something like "Back off, Draco's mine you little freak," and see if she responded. Rejection was the best way to let go, right? But how would she know to get it to me? I brooded on it, and then decided to tell her to leave the letter somewhere. I pulled out a quill and parchment and began to write in my best imitation of Pansy’s handwriting. "Dear Mudblood," I wrote, "I know you like Draco, and I won't tell him because I don't want him to be disgusted by you, but you better back off. Leave a note in the second desk of the last row of McGonagall’s classroom to respond. Pansy." I added an extra flourish to the y in Pansy and admired it. Yes, this would work. She would look flustered if I was right, and confused if I was wrong. And we didn't have Transfiguration together. Yes.

I sent the letter immediately, so I would have my response that day. I got dressed and woke Blaise, and we went down to breakfast together

**Hermione**

I woke up falling. I hit the ground with a light thud, and brushed myself off. Malfoy was the first thing I thought of. I was so glad he had no way of hearing my thoughts. 

I got dressed in a sweater and nice pants and went down to breakfast. Ron was in the hospital overnight, and Harry liked to sleep in when he could, so I was alone when the letter dropped in front of me. A small folded up piece of parchment with "H. Granger" written on it in blood red ink dropped onto my toast. I opened it, and slowly read a letter from Pansy Parkinson. How could she know? I was going to write her a polite, frank response. I ran up to the dormitory, barely concealing a tear. I threw open my trunk and replied in navy blue. "Dear Pansy, I want to let you know I'm not a threat. Even if Malfoy liked me, I could never threaten your love. He’s been mocking Ron, Harry, and I for our whole time at Hogwarts, and especially this year. So don't worry about me. Hermione J Granger." I slipped out of the Great Hall, went to McGonagall’s classroom, stuck the letter into the desk and left to read out in the grounds. 

 

**Draco**

I watched Granger open the note. Her face got very red and she ran out of the Great Hall. I smirked, full of hope.

“Draco,” said Pansy, bending down right across from me and placing her forearms on the table, blocking Granger from my sight, “We’re going for a walk in the grounds. Do you want to come?” She extended her hand towards mine, as if I needed help standing up. I reached my hands up over my head to stretch my back and thought.

“Sorry, but my things are really a mess. I need to get packed early so my mum doesn’t get mad when I get back home.” Before she could protest I got up and slipped out of the Great Hall to McGonagall’s classroom. I reached my hand into the desk “Pansy” had mentioned. At the very back of the desk was a neatly folded piece of paper with “Pansy Parkinson” printed neatly in navy blue ink. I opened the note, read it quickly and relished her signature. What did the J stand for? Josephine? Joan? Jillian?

I mulled over what the letter meant as I wove through the castle. “Even if Malfoy liked me…” That sounded a lot like a wish. I looked out a window. She was sitting on the far side of a tree in a secluded corner of the grounds with a book open in her lap. I thought for a second, then made up my mind. I walked out onto the grounds and started wandering. I “accidentally” tripped on her legs and then said, “Oh, hello Granger.” She looked down on me with a look of contempt, the likes of which I had never seen on her face before.

“What do you want, Malfoy?” she said, snapping the book shut.

“Well I heard a rumor,” I said, sliding down the bark of the tree next to her, “that you have a disgusting little crush on me.”

Her face got very red as I smirked at her. “Who told you that?” she squeaked.

“Pansy,” I said, “But I have something important to tell you Granger.” I took my wand and gently carved into the ground the words, “I like you.”

Granger looked down at the grass in shock. She then brought her eyes back up to mine, and held them there for a few seconds.

“I don’t believe you,” she said, predictably.

“I didn’t expect you to,” I said, “You’re a brilliant witch. Your intellect is unmatched by even the seventh years in Ravenclaw, you’re amazingly strong, I’ve never seen hair like yours, and you’re incredibly kind. I know I’ve been rude to you and Potter and Weasley, but the three of you haven’t exactly been kind to me.”

“Malfoy,” she said, “I do like you, but how can I trust you? You’ve insulted my intellect and my looks before, but that doesn’t sting half as much as when you berate me for something I can’t change: my blood status. Don’t you think if I could’ve been born pureblood, I would have?”

“It seems I’ve got a lot to learn,” I said.

**Hermione**

“Can you teach me?” Draco asked.

I thought about everything he had said. In two days my life had completely flipped over. Draco Malfoy was apologizing for everything he’d said to me over the years. And it was true, I hadn’t exactly been nice to him, especially yesterday when I had slapped him, but could people really change?

“I could, but you have to promise me one thing.”

“Anything,” he said, gently moving his hand towards mine and grabbing it.

“You really mean it.”

He was silent for an agonizing second, then he said, “Of course I do.” I squeezed his hand. Thank god nobody else was out on the grounds.

“Now what?” Draco asked, looking into my eyes.

“Well,” I said, “Since we’re alone out here…” I put my left hand on the back of his head and pulled his face next to mine. He pushed his lips onto mine and I moved my right hand to the back of his head too. I don’t know how long we sat there kissing. It could have been several minutes, or half an hour, or only several seconds, but when we broke apart, I left my arms wrapped around him and he draped his arm across my shoulders.

“So,” Draco said, “Now what?”

It was a good question, one to which I had no answer. There was no way we could actually go out. We were Romeo and Juliet, Tony and Maria, and every other doomed couple. But he was so comfortable, and nice, and well…he wasn’t a bad kisser. “I don’t know about the future,” I said, 

“But right now, I’d like to watch over this hidden patch of the grounds with my secret boyfriend.”

He mouthed the last two words. “I like that,” he said, “Secret boyfriend. Secret girlfriend. It’s cute but it’s also kind of……”

“Sexy?” I said mockingly.

“Yeah,” he said, blushing.

“We’ll figure something out,” I said, leaning into his shoulder and gently picking up his inside hand. And then we just sat there, holding hands as we watched the grounds.


	3. Year Three, Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You look beautiful Hermione,” I said. She blushed.  
> “Draco, that’s the first time you’ve ever called me Hermione,” she giggled quietly.  
> “And that’s the first you’ve called me Draco I expect,” I replied, laughing.

**Hermione**

Draco and I had agreed after spending the whole day out in the grounds that about half way through the ride we’d meet in that weird space in the last car where the windows opened and no one ever sat. It had been hard to hide from Ron and Harry the previous day. Dra--Malfoy and I had staggered our entrances to the Great Hall so not to be suspicious. I waltzed in and sat down across from the two of them.

“Where’ve you been?” Ron practically shouted at me. 

“Doing some light reading in the grounds,” I said, gently placing  _ The Standard Book of Spells, Grade Four _ on the table. Harry smirked, and Ron look aghast.

“Next year’s textbooks? You’re already studying for next year?” asked Ron, dropping the fork in his hand.

“Are you surprised Ron? Hermione’s a genius! Speaking of, can you believe this year is over?”

“Not at all! So much has changed,” I said, drifting off, not wanting to say too much unnecessarily. The boys nodded in agreement, and we all scarfed down breakfast. McGonagall stood up, and she called the hall to order. We made a mass exodus towards Hogsmeade, and I . caught up with Draco.

**Draco**

Hermione tapped me on the shoulder and I turned around, expecting to see Pansy. My face lit up, and so did hers. I’d been thinking about her all morning. I dropped my voice to a loud whisper so the first year Hufflepuffs surrounding us wouldn’t hear.

“You look beautiful Hermione,” I said. She blushed.

“Draco, that’s the first time you’ve ever called me Hermione,” she giggled quietly.

“And that’s the first you’ve called me Draco I expect,” I replied, laughing. Hermione glanced over her shoulder, and gently grabbed my hand. I wrapped my fingers gingerly around the back of her small hand. She looked up at me, and smiled. 

We walked in silence to the gates of Hogsmeade, and then she kissed my cheek and whispered, “See you on the train?” and slunk away to the other Gryffindors. I half waved, then got on the train. I sat near Pansy, Crabbe, and Goyle, but about an hour into the ride I said, “I’m gonna get some fresh air,” and slipped out of the compartment. I half sprinted to the back of the train and saw Hermione sitting there, gazing out the windows. I tapped her on the shoulder, and she started before turning around.

**Hermione**

I turned around and was almost nose-to-nose with Draco. I laughed and he sat down next to me. I gazed out the window, and he gazed at me. We were silent for a few moments. Then Draco asked, “How’d you get away?”

“The boys were reading some Quidditch articles and talking about some team--the Cannons I think--when I said I had to use the lavatory, and they mumbled something, then kept talking, so I slipped out,” I said. He laughed, and the light hit his face just right. I’d wondered why my feelings for him had emerged so suddenly, until then. He’d just turned fourteen, and grown a lot since first year. He was more handsome than ever, and his longish white hair brought out his strikingly sharp features. He was funny in his way, and his snark was adorable. He saw me watching him, and smiled.

“What? Have I got something on my face?” He turned to the windowpane to try and brush off non-existent dirt.

“No,” I said, laughing at his expression in the window. 

“Then what?” he said, turning me to him.

“You’re just…..adorable,” I said sheepishly, turning away again.

He moved around to my other side and laughed, “There’s nothing wrong with thinking I’m adorable. I happen to think I’m incredibly adorable.” We both laughed, and he locked eyes with me. “I also happen to think you’re incredibly adorable.” I blushed, and started to turn towards the window again. 

“Hey,” I said, “Do you want to…..?”

He smirked. “Not unless you say it.”

I sighed and laughed. “Maybe I won’t say it then,” I teased. He pulled on my jumper and pleaded with his eyes. “Fine, I’ll say it. Do you want to kiss me Mr. Malfoy?”

“It would be my honor Ms. Granger,” he said, leaning in. Our lips brushed gently, and then we went at it. It was a good long time before he came up for air. “Whoa,” he said.

“Yeah,” I said, at a loss for other words, gazing out the window.

**Draco**

It was my turn to gaze at Hermione. The light hit her on the right side of her face, and her somehow calmed hair laid curly over her left eye. She turned to me and smiled shyly, pushing her hair behind her ear. 

“So tell me about you. I feel like I don’t know anything about you. What does the J stand for?” I asked.

She looked at me, and then sighed understandingly, “Hermione Jean Granger. I grew up in the suburbs around London and my parents are dentists.”

“Dentists?”

“Dentists are Muggles who clean and correct each other’s teeth.”

“Ohh.”

“So I went to this tiny primary school outside London until I got my Hogwarts letter, and then I came here.”

I nodded, and she bowed her head shyly. “What’s wrong?”

“My life hasn’t been too exciting.”

“You’re only fourteen. You’ve got a lot of time for excitement Hermione.”

She turned back to me. “Your turn. Tell me about you.”

I opened my mouth and paused, not knowing where to begin. “My parents and I live in a manor house in Wiltshire, and our family has lived there since the 11th century. We have some land surrounding, but I feel like it’s too much. All the land was great when everyone in the Malfoy family lived there, but that hasn’t happened since my dad was an infant. We spread out across England, and now all the rooms feel empty and lonely. I used to ride a mini broom around the house, and mum would get so worried that I’d break something. Back during the Wizarding War, tons of people used to stay at the house and mum and I would sometimes be allocated the basement. I don’t remember it at all, but mum says it was awful. After He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named was killed, dad said it was all done under the Imperius Curse. I used to believe him, but lately….” I sighed. I wanted to make it clear that I’d done what I’d done to Hermione, Potter and Weasley because I’d felt that it was my duty. “I don’t believe all that blood purity stuff. I haven’t for a while. If purebloods are actually superior, why are there so many bright, talented Muggleborns? Why can you turn me into a rat before I could bat an eye? Why are purebloods like Crabbe, Goyle and Pansy such idiots? Because it’s not real. Before being a wizard was considered scary by Muggles, we all intermingled and mixed, so it’s unlikely that my ancestors that were alive in the 10th century were actually purebloods. And….” I trailed off, not sure where I was going.

“What’s wrong Draco?” she said, slipping her hand onto my knee. My already blurry focus all but disappeared. 

“I want you to know that I regret every mean thing I’ve done, but if I stop, my friends will worry and my dad will hate me.”

“You can pretend,” she said, “As long as you promise to be nice when we’re alone.”

“Always,” I said. We turned back to the window, and I checked my watch. We would be at Kings Cross in two hours.   
“We should make a plan for the summer,” I said

**Hermione**

“I’ve already got one,” I said, “We’ll write each other letters, but sign them with the other person’s initials. So your letters would be to Hermione from HJG, and my letters would be to Draco from…?”

“DLM,” he said, nodding. “Are you going to the Quidditch World Cup this year?”

“Probably, why?” 

“Father and I always go. Maybe I’ll see you there,” he said.

My heart leaped. Seeing him outside school with no one watching would be great. “I hope so. But for now, we should head back to our compartments.” I stood up, and so did Draco. He kissed me on the cheek, and we each walked back to our compartments. I slid up the door, shot Draco a quick smile and sat down next to Harry.

“Are we going to the Quidditch World Cup this year?” I asked.

Both boys looked startled, and then Ron said, “Dad’s trying to get tickets. You’d go?”

“Yeah, it’s a long standing wizarding tradition with a rich history.”

Ron looked confused and turned to Harry. “Don’t ask,” Harry said. They discussed plans for the summer, and I gazed out, thinking of Draco until we pulled into Kings Cross. As I exited the train and saw my parents waiting for me, I waved at them and saw Draco. He turned around and I winked at him. He winked back, turned around, and walked into the waiting arms of his mother. I couldn’t wait for fourth year.


	4. Year Three, Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flung the door shut and spun around to my desk, where a black owl was sitting with a rolled up letter clenched in its beak. I pulled the letter out of its beak. “Hermione Jean Granger” was neatly printed in electric green ink on the outside. My heart started racing as I sat down on my bed.
> 
> I shone the light at the owl and he leaned forward, holding a neatly folded parchment square with “Draco Lucius Malfoy” written in lavender script in the exact middle. I took the letter, shooed the owl, and shut my window. I held the letter for a moment, relishing how my name looked in her handwriting. Then I tore it open, as neatly as possible.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague references to alcoholism

**Hermione**

Dad loaded my trunk into the back of the car, and I carried Crookshanks into the backseat with me. Mum started the car and Dad climbed in the passenger seat. She started driving on the path home.

“So how was school honeybun?” Mum asked.

“You know, same old same old. My new classes were good.”

Dad asked, “What new classes are you taking?”

“Ancient Runes, Care of Magical Creatures, Arithmancy, and Muggle Studies. I dropped Divination.”

“Why’d you drop it?” said Mum, looking at me through the rearview mirror.

“It was so wooly. It’d be like taking an art appreciation class, but then being quizzed on your opinions. I’m also thinking about dropping Muggle Studies because it clogs up my schedule. I think I’ll still buy the textbooks.”

“Isn’t one of your friends’ fathers really interested in Muggles?” Dad said.

“Oh yeah, Mr. Weasley. I guess I could write to him and we could talk.”

There were a few minutes of silence. Then Dad swiveled around in his seat and said, “You haven’t seen us in almost a year and that’s all you have to say?”

“Do I have to say more?” I snapped. “Sorry,” I apologized as quickly as possible, “I didn’t mean to snap. I’m just a little tired is all.”

“You don’t  have to say anything. But the past two Junes you’ve come home gushing about everything you’ve learned and how you wish you could show us and you absolutely have to go upstairs right now to write letters to Harry and Ron but you’ll fill us in at dinner. And now we’re practically dragging it out of you,” Mum said.

Dad put his hand on her shoulder and said, “We bought a parenting book at the beginning of the last school year in Diagon Alley. It’s written for Muggles parenting wizards. I know that some day, maybe today, we will no longer be able to keep up with you. Your life in the wizarding world will eclipse your life here, and we will no longer be able to help you with the largest part of your life. But we will always be here for you darling.”

“It’s not that. I just don’t feel like sharing everything right now. I’ll tell you guys. I just need some time to think,” I said.

Mum asked, “What about?”

“It’s nothing.”

Mum glanced at Dad. “Is it a boy?”

I snorted. “Yes Mum. With as many problems as the world has and as I could possibly have, the only thing I’m thinking about is a boy.”

“It’s a boy. Don’t worry. We won’t ask any more questions.”

It was a boy. A particular platinum blond boy. A particular platinum blond boy from Wiltshire in Slytherin with soft pale skin and those eyes.  _ Those _ eyes. Those  _ penetrating gray eyes. _

We rode the rest of the way home in silence. Mum and Dad didn’t ask any more questions. I sprinted up the stairs to my room, with Crookshanks close behind me. I flung the door shut and spun around to my desk, where a black owl was sitting with a rolled up letter clenched in its beak. I pulled the letter out of its beak. “Hermione Jean Granger” was neatly printed in electric green ink on the outside. My heart started racing as I sat down on my bed.

Dad came in carrying my trunk right as I began to slit open the scroll that I assumed was from Draco.

“Oh, who’s that from?” Dad asked. I put it in one hand and practically threw it down onto the bed next to me.

“Ginny, I expect.”

“Ginny?” he said, lying the trunk down, “And she is…?”

“Ron’s younger sister.”

“Ah. I’ll leave you to your scroll then.” He shut the door. I waited until I heard Dad’s footsteps going down the stairs, and then I tore the scroll open.

_ Dear Hermione, _

_ I just arrived home and have been thinking about nothing but you since we got off the train. I can’t believe we won’t be able to see each other until school starts again!…Unless…Is there any chance that you could meet me in Diagon Alley? We could get ice cream at Florean Fortescue’s or grab a meal at the Leaky Cauldron. I could pick you up on my Nimbus or we could travel by Floo Powder if you can’t get there on your own. Write me back as soon as possible––I can’t STAND being alone in this dumb house._

_ Yours, _

_ HJG _

I finished reading the letter, reread it twice, and began to pen my reply.

**Draco**

After I left Hermione, my trip home was entirely uneventful. I sat on the Hogwarts Express in my car with Crabbe, Goyle, Blaise, and Pansy. Father picked me up at the train and took me on Side-Along Apparition back home. We arrived on the front porch of the house. Father said, “Your mother is in the living room. I’ll see you tonight.” And he disappeared.

I walked in. Father had sent my stuff up to my room and I just had to go see my mother before I could screw off and do whatever I wanted for the whole summer. So I took a deep breath and stepped into the living room. My mother was lying on the couch, holding an almost empty wine glass in one hand.

“Hi Mom,” I said, standing across from her.

“Oh, hello Draco,” she said, looking at me with slightly unfocused eyes. My mother really was a beautiful woman, but the drinking was not at all good for her.

“I’m going upstairs,” I said. She nodded, and I started walking through to the other side of the living room and went up the stairs to my room. I sat down and dashed out a quick letter to Hermione, sent it with my black owl, and grabbed my Nimbus. I ran down the stairs and heard Mother say from the other room, “Draco, no running in the house.” That was fine, I thought. I jumped on my Nimbus and took off. The doors onto the back courtyard flew open as I flew towards them at full speed. I zipped around, trying feints, commentating to myself the whole time.

“Slytherin is down, 10 to 150, and there goes Malfoy, he must’ve seen the Snitch. He’s got the head start on Diggory and he’s almost there! AND THE CROWD GOES WILD AS HE CATCHES THE GOLDEN SNITCH, WINNING THE GAME FOR SLYTHERIN‼ Well done Malfoy!” I said to myself. I didn’t pick Potter, because I couldn’t beat him. He was genuinely a better Seeker than me, and I knew it in my heart of hearts. I wanted to be friends with him, really I did. On the first day of first year I had offered, I just hadn’t done it right.

I had been flying for about three hours when I got tired, and the sun started setting, so instead of dealing with my mother I flew straight to my room, opened the windows from the outside, and climbed back in. I tucked my broom away and lay down on my bed facing the ceiling. I wished I had a younger sibling. Or an older sibling. Or anyone to fill this empty goddamn house. I used to get angry about everything: my father, my mother, the empty house, the flying, and pretty much anything else. I wish I still got angry. Now I just feel empty all the time.

I don’t remember falling asleep, but I do remember waking up around 20:00 to a tapping on my desk. I looked over in the dark and saw my owl sitting there, tapping the desk with his beak. I reached down under my bed and clicked on the torch I kept hidden. Mother and Father despised Muggles and every one of their stupid inventions, but some of their ideas were really quite ingenious. I shone the light at the owl and he leaned forward, holding a neatly folded parchment square with “Draco Lucius Malfoy” written in lavender script in the exact middle. I took the letter, shooed the owl, and shut my window. I held the letter for a moment, relishing how my name looked in her handwriting. Then I tore it open, as neatly as possible. 

_ Dear Draco, _

_ You have filled my mind in the same way I have evidently filled yours. On the car ride home my parents would not let up with their hailstorm of questions. My mum even said, “It’s a boy.” I didn’t tell them anything, and I swear I won’t. The trip was agonizing, but I cannot think of a better welcome home than running upstairs to see your owl sitting on my desk with a letter clenched in its beak. _

_ I would love to see you before school starts! I think going to Diagon Alley close to the train departing (i.e. late August) would be ill advised, as many of our peers would also be there, and Ron would surely make a scene if we were seen together. I love the ice cream at Florean Fortescue’s and the meals at the Leaky Cauldron can be pretty spectacular. _

_ I cannot get there on my own. My parents would be suspicious after the first time I asked, and I have no other means of transit into London. I would be willing to travel on brooms, but I will warn you I’m not particularly fond of flying. Floo Powder sounds like a good idea, if you know how to hook a fireplace up to the network. My parents are out of the house from 8 to 18 o’clock every weekday. Maybe you could pick me up sometime then. I highly look forward to it. _

_ Write back soon…because lord knows no one else will! _

_ Regards, _

_ DLM _

I read and reread and reread Hermione’s letter. I loved her handwriting. The slant of her i’s, the loop of her y’s, and the curves of all of her letters reminded me of her. Her perfection in school and in form, and how soft her hands were. I couldn’t wait to see her. The next day would be Thursday, so maybe we could meet up Friday? I prayed we could. I wrote out a letter to her and stuffed it in my pillowcase, intending to send it out in the morning. The second I hid it, I heard a knock on my bedroom door. I darted across my room and opened the door to see my father’s white hair.

“Hello Draco,” Father said from the doorway. He stood there, white hair falling to his shoulders, black robes obscuring his silhouette. “I’ve only just arrived from the Ministry. And good news for the two of us, Cornelius has invited us to the Minister’s box for the World Cup finals.”

“That’s great. Do you know how to set up a connection to the Floo Network?”

“It’s not necessary,” Father replied, “If you just say the location you intend to go to, you can get there without a connection, as long as it’s not protected by enchantments. Why?”

“Just wondering. I always have questions about the magic I don’t know about.”

We stood there in silence for a minute before my father said, “You should probably get to bed.”

“Yeah. Sure. Will I see you tomorrow?”

My father sighed, “I’m very busy tomorrow Draco, so I hope I can see you. But I definitely cannot spend time with you on Friday. I have a very long string of meetings with heads of various ministry departments. I think I’ll be able to see you over the weekend.”

“Alright. Goodnight.” And I closed the door and I flung myself onto my bed. I leaned back rubbed my eyes and stretched my arms. I snatched the response I had written out of my pillowcase, called in my owl, and sent my letter off to Hermione. Then I laid down on my bed, fully dressed from the day that had just passed, and fell asleep staring at my dingy ceiling.


	5. Summer, Chapter One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just when you think you have people figured out, your worst enemy is lying underneath you in a guest room licking your bottom lip while you run fingers through her hair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (contains making out and mentions of sex, references to underage drinking)

**Hermione**

I woke up at 8 to find another letter from Draco sitting on my desk, guarded by the same black owl. I walked to my bedroom door and checked the hallway. On the outside of my door was a note from Mum. Her and dad had left for work, and they'd be back around 18:30. I had the house to myself. I slipped back into my room, and tore open Draco's letter.

_ Dear Hermione, _

_ You're absolutely right about Diagon Alley before school. Weasley would flay me alive if he found out you and I were together. I can absolutely take you on broom, and I'll be sure to go slowly and delicately when you're with me. When do you want to meet up? I'm so bored in my house everyday, and my father's never here and my mother has other things to do, so I'm free whenever. Let me know. I love hearing from you. _

_ Sincerely, _

_ HJG _

_ P.S. I just learned I can travel along the Floo Network as long as there aren't any enchantments around the place. So maybe I can take the Floo to your house and then fly home. _

I was thrilled. We had a little over ten hours, and Draco's owl seemed to be able to fly to Wiltshire in less than three hours, so maybe Draco could visit me that day! I dashed out a response, and looked in awe at how bad my handwriting got when I was rushing. But it didn't matter. I might be able to see Draco! I sent the owl off, flipped the light switch in my room, and pulled the shades closed. I needed to get ready!

I took off my PJs and slipped into a dressing gown, before flinging open my closet doors. What was I going to wear? Draco had only ever seen in me in my school uniform and the few Muggle jumpers I brought to Hogwarts. I had to look cute today. I rifled through my drawers and my closet. I put on clean underwear, a matching bra, and white ankle socks. I decided that bright colors wouldn’t be a good idea, so I put on a dark blue sequined t-shirt, and lavender skinny jeans. Once I was dressed, I ran into my bathroom. I brushed my hair and looked at my skin. I washed my face twice and put on very light pink lipstick.

When I was satisfied with my appearance, I went downstairs to prepare myself breakfast and read. I pulled a random fiction book I had never read before off the shelf and started reading it while walking into the kitchen. I poured myself some cereal and sat down with my book.

**Draco**

I slept until 10 and would've slept later if Hermione's letter hadn't arrived. I’m glad I had Hermione for the summer though. I usually spend summers just moping around the house, flying sometimes, visiting family sometimes, and occasionally going into the Ministry if Father felt bad enough for me. Also, I was finally fourteen, so if I hadn’t had Hermione to keep me sane, I probably would’ve started sitting in the wine cellar and drinking.

So I woke up to some gentle pecks on the hand, and sat up immediately. Without even looking at my name on the scroll, I tore it open.

_ Dear Draco, _

_     Thanks for your consideration with the broomsticks. Ron and Harry always tell me I should just get over it, and even Ginny joins in sometimes, but it’s just too scary for me. I’ve never been one for heights, and being that exposed is terrifying, unless I know I’ll be safe. I’d love to meet up today. My parents are out until 18:30, so if you could take the Floo Network here I’d love to spend the day with you. I have nothing to do all summer, because I don’t have any Muggle friends and my parents work Monday to Friday. See you soon! _

_ Warm regards, _

_ DLM _

_ P.S. My address is written on the back. Be careful! If you mess up you’ll end up in one of my neighbors’ houses, and most Muggles aren’t used to people hopping out of their fireplaces. _

She sounded just as lonely as I did, which was admittedly a relief. I was somewhat worried that in the Muggle world, Hermione was like Potter; everyone loved her to the point where she couldn’t keep up. It seemed like two lonely souls had just found each other.

I started to write a reply, but realized I’d be there before the owl, so it was pointless. I sent the owl off and jumped up off my bed. I undressed and redressed in black jeans and a white button-down shirt. The jeans I’d bought with the torch a year ago, and the button-down had been my father’s when he was at Hogwarts. I looked in the slightly yellow mirror inside my closet door and sighed. My hair was ridiculous. I combed it, and it looked a little better, but not much. I yanked on black trainers and grabbed my broom before running out of my room.

I practically leapt down the stairs to the drawing room. I threw some green Floo Powder into the fireplace, and electric green flames erupted immediately. I turned over Hermione’s letter, stepped into the fire, and read her address aloud. Instantly, I began to spin.

**Hermione**

Weird things happen to all teenage girls. But having my forbidden boyfriend pop out of the fire while I was reading in my kitchen at 10:15 has to be one of the weirdest things to happen to me. Draco practically fell out of the defunct fireplace in the corner, and I ran over to him.

“Draco!” I said

“Hermione!” he responded, before dropping his broom and pulling me into a kiss. I threw my arms around his neck and he wrapped himself around my waist. I pulled back a little, my arms still around his neck and looked up at him wistfully.

“I can’t believe it’s only been a day since I saw you.”

“I know,” Draco whined, “Although the kissing on the train yesterday was probably enough to last me a few weeks.”

“Oh!” I teased, “So I don’t have to kiss you for the rest of the month. Not even now.” I pulled my arms away and backed up, smiling mockingly.

“No way little miss,” he said, “You can’t just invite me here to hang out and then refuse to kiss me Ms. Granger.”

“Well Mr. Malfoy,” I said, taking more steps backwards, and putting my hand on the table so I wouldn’t bump into it, “If you want to kiss me, you’re going to have to catch me.” And I turned around and sprinted out of the room. 

I could hear Draco’s heavy footfalls behind me and he kept saying, “Oh no you don’t! I’m going to catch you!” but I could tell he was laughing. I turned around to face him when I started running out of breath, and he almost tripped on me.

“Looks like I’ve caught you.”

**Draco**

“No you haven’t,” Hermione said, still backing up even though I could see her chest heaving.

“Now that I've caught you, can I kiss you?” I asked.

“Why not?” she said. She took another step backwards into the arm of a couch, and fell backwards into it. I leaned over the arm and looked at her.

“But how can I kiss you now?”

“Like this,” she said, and she grabbed where lapels would’ve been and pulled me over her. My feet left the ground and my knees hit the seat of the couch. I planted my arms on either side of her shoulders, and looked down at my beautiful girlfriend. Hermione tugged on my non-existent lapels and we kissed. It was impossible to support my weight in that position, so I pulled back.

“What?” Hermione said, “Don’t you want to kiss me?”

“No, no, no. I absolutely want to kiss you. But I’m not very comfortable in this seat like this.”

“No problem,” she said, “Get up.”

I got off of the couch and Hermione stood up. She took my hand and yanked me up the stairs. We turned left, and she pulled me into a guest room. The room was mainly green and very neat. The walls were mint and the sheets were forest green. While I was looking around the room, Hermione had laid down on the bed and was tapping her hand right next to her. I laid down and she looked at me for a second, before pulling me on top of her.

“Whoa,” I said, my knees on opposite sides of her hips and my hands above her shoulders.

“Whoa what?”

“I never thought it’d be you pulling me on top of you.”

“Oh. Sorry,” she said, squirming underneath me and trying to push me off.

“No,” I said, pulling my legs off of her, “It’s really hot.”

“Oh,” Hermione said. Then she smiled. “Then where do you think you’re going?”

I grinned and put my leg back over her, pushing my head back down towards her face. Hermione’s lips were warm and soft and when she laced her fingers through my hair every inch of my scalp felt electrified. I was purposefully keeping my torso as far away as hers from possible. I didn’t want to do anything too quickly. I told myself it was for her sake, but when she pulled me down towards her with one hand I realized it was for my sake.

**Hermione**

Draco took a sharp breath and made a surprised, “Huh!” sound when I pulled his chest towards mine. I loved the feeling of having someone so close to me. No other girl in Gryffindor had gotten past a simple peck with a boy. No other girl in the world was as lucky as I was. I had the most beautiful boyfriend in the world. And I had to keep it a secret. But if we were going to be secret, I was going to get everything out of this.

I ran my fingers through Draco’s silky blonde hair and he sighed. I felt one of his hands move off the bed and then felt long, slender fingers running through my hair. I smiled what was probably the stupidest smile in the world before pulling his mouth back on mine. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do, but I knew what I wanted. Very slowly and gently, I pushed Draco’s lips apart with mine and ran my tongue gently over his bottom lip. He took another sharp breath.

**Draco**

Just when you think you have people figured out, your worst enemy is lying underneath you in a guest room licking your bottom lip while you run fingers through her hair.

Hermione surprised me. I knew fourteen year old boys thought about nothing but girls and sex and how to get girls to have sex with you despite not actually being mentally ready at all to have sex, but I didn’t know girls thought along similar tracks. Especially smart girls. And I never thought I’d get lucky enough to have the most beautiful girl in the world kissing me and pushing me to do things I hadn’t yet considered. 

Hermione responded to my sharp breath with a laugh.  _ I’ll teach her to laugh at me _ . I pushed her lips apart and flicked my tongue into her mouth. She pulled my hair tighter and copied the motion. I never thought licking the inside of someone else’s mouth could be enjoyable, but I also thought I’d never like Hermione, and look where we were now. I felt breathless as I ran my fingers through her frizzy brown hair and pushed my tongue again into her mouth.

**Hermione**

I knew making out was supposed to be good.

I just wish someone had told me how good beforehand.

**Draco**

If that’s what making out was like, I don’t know that I’ll be able to handle sex.


	6. Summer, Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So I guess if I had to describe myself in one word it would be lonely, and having you pay attention to me and care about me is intoxicating.”

**Hermione**

I stood in the bathroom, facing the mirror and trying my best to comb my hair. I looked at the tangled mess that was only slightly worse than usual, and gave up, setting my brush down on the sink and praying my parents wouldn't notice. I switched my attention to my mouth. The light pink lipstick I had put on that morning was smudged off my mouth, the only traces trailing down to my chin or up towards my nose. I pulled a makeup remover wipe out of its tub and wiped across my face. The pink from my lipstick disappeared, but the redness from the skin being touched (and kissed and licked and sucked) was still there. I smiled, remembering what had caused the redness. Draco slipped into the room silently and wrapped his arms around my waist, burying his face in my neck. 

“Done fixing yourself up for mommy and daddy?” he said playfully, his lips brushing my neck gently. “Because if you are…” Draco kissed a slow trail from my jaw to the collar of my shirt and I closed my eyes and smiled. 

“Stop,” I said playfully but firmly, “Don't get me going again.” Draco picked his head up, arms still around my waist, and it was only then that I noticed the pink smudges on his face and neck. “I've gotta get you cleaned up.” I pulled out another wipe and turned around before pulling it down his neck. He closed his eyes and I could tell he was repressing a sound. I bit my lower lip and put in my best effort not to kiss him. 

**Draco**

Hermione’s fingers were soft on my neck, even as she wiped her lipstick smudges off. She threw the wipe away and I looked in the mirror. There were still two very red, almost purple spots at the base of my neck. “I think you missed these two.”

Hermione tapped them and I sucked in a sharp breath. “Nope,” she said, “Those are hickeys.”

“Hickeys?” I asked, incredulous. 

“Yeah. You get hickeys when someone sucks–”

“I know what a hickey is! How are we going to hide them?”

Hermione started rifling through the medicine cabinet and I admired her from behind. The beautiful tangled mess that was her hair, her slender arms, the way her blue shirt hugged her torso, the way her waist glided seamlessly into her hips, the inch of her lower back that was visible as she reached up into the cabinet—

“I found it!” She turned around quickly and I was forcibly jolted out of my fantasies as Hermione waved a bottle of what looked like white paint in front of me. “My mum’s concealer!” she said and I must've looked as nonplussed as I felt because she sighed and explained: “Muggle women use it to hide scars, pimples, bruises,” she ran a finger up my neck and I shivered. “And hickeys,” she finished. Hermione opened the bottle and gently touched my neck, her fingers cold and wet as she dabbed on the makeup. When she was finished I looked in the mirror and found no trace of the two marks. She handed me the bottle. 

“What am I going to need this for?”

“Hickeys take a while to vanish.” 

“Isn’t your mum going to notice it’s missing?”

“Please, my mum has so much makeup she’ll probably think she just used it all. Or I can pretend it spilled. Plus,” she drew so close that I thought I could count the freckles on her face, “you might need it again this summer.” 

“Really?”

**Hermione**

“Really,” I said, pushing a short kiss onto his lips before leading him downstairs. 

It was nice to see him caught off guard by me. I had seen plenty of boys smiling idiotically at girls they were holding hands with, but I would never have believed that I could elicit such an idiotic smile from a boy like Draco, or any boy that cold and aloof and popular and hot. I sat down on the couch, gesturing for him to sit down on the other end of the couch. 

“Why do I have to sit so far away?” he whined, taking the seat anyway. 

“Because,” I said in the most level-headed voice possible, “If you don't I'll jump you.”

He smirked and, God, it took everything I had not to just pull him on top of me again. “That wouldn't be the world's worst thing, would it?”

“No,” I admitted, tilting my head slightly, admiring his pale, angular face before I said, “But we need to talk.”

His eyebrows knitted, and I had a feeling Draco had heard the words, “We need to talk,” from his parents one too many times. “About?”

“Us.”

His eyes lit up. “What about us?” he said, inching towards me. 

“Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“No,” he said and I heard the jealous nervousness creep into his voice, a sound I would over time become more acquainted with, but wasn't quite familiar with yet. “Have-have you?”

I shook my head. “I thought you had.”

“Me? Who would I have kissed?”

“Uh Pansy is totally into you so I just assumed that at some point scheming had turned into kissing.”

**Draco**

I laughed. “You sound like Blaise. But nothing ever happened with me and Pansy.” I bit back and didn't say, “My mum wishes something would though.” Instead I said, “I thought  _ you'd  _ kissed someone.” Hermione laughed, a happy, full, sweet laugh, so I felt comfortable voicing my insecurity, “Not Potter or Weasley?”

“Please!” Hermione laughed, “Harry doesn’t like me like that and Ron is just a total dipwad.”

I sighed. “So neither of us has kissed anyone except the other?” Hermione nodded and I felt like flying. Not only did I have an amazing and beautiful girlfriend, I was the first person she had kissed. “Then how are we so good at it?”

“Luck? Talent? Who knows? I think the important thing to talk about is like… who are you really? I only know the façade, not the real Draco hidden behind the mask.”

“What about everything I told you on the train?”

“You told me a lot about your family history and who you aren’t. All of that is important, but I want to hear about who you are.”

I looked into her deep brown eyes and sighed. I had built a mask to hide the real me from  myself as much as from the rest of the world. I took a deep breath and let the words fall out: “I hate my family. They’ve got all these bullshit beliefs, including that money lets you do whatever you want, makes anything acceptable. Ends justify the means type of people. My mum doesn’t really do anything but drink anymore and my dad only pays attention to me when he has to. And all my friends believe the same things and care more about grades and Quidditch and stupid crap than what’s going on with me. So I guess if I had to describe myself in one word it would be lonely, and having you pay attention to me and care about me is intoxicating.”

**Hermione**

I smiled a sad smile. He was just as lonely as I was. “Both of my parents are only children and so am I, so I don’t really have a family other than my parents and grandparents, who I never see anyway. I never fit in anywhere, so books were my only real friends before I got to Hogwarts.” My face got hot and I quickly said, “Okay that sounded really dorky but… yeah, it’s the truth. And sometimes I still feel like no one really gets it. Harry has become the eighth Weasley child and Ron has his huge family, so they’re never really that lonely and I’m just me.”

“It seems as though we may have found kindred spirits in each other, Ms. Granger.”

“It would seem so Mr. Malfoy.”

“So when can I see you again?” Draco asked as the clock changed to 17. Only an hour before my parents would return home.

“Take me to Diagon Alley next week?”

He smiled. “Sure. Ice cream and book shopping?”

I leaned across the couch and said, “You know me so well,” before pushing my lips onto his. When he started to tangle his fingers in my hair, I pulled back and he whined. “We have to save something for next time darling.” I sat up and smiled at him and he smiled goofily back. “Now get going.”

Draco stood up and walked into the kitchen. I followed closely behind. He threw a handful of Floo Powder into the fireplace and just as he was about to step in he turned around and said, “Don’t I get a goodbye kiss?” I grinned and happily obliged, getting up on my tiptoes to reach his lips.

“See you soon. And write to me!” 

Draco nodded and stepped into the fire. He shouted, “Malfoy Manor!” and was gone. I smiled at the fireplace, imagining the next time my secret boyfriend would pop out of it and all the things we would do together.

**Author's Note:**

> Contact me at [hopingforaword.tumblr.com](hopingforaword.tumblr.com) or [hermionejeangranger.tumblr.com](hermionejeangranger.tumblr.com) with prompts/ideas/comments. Thanks for reading!


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